He also used a key he had previously stolen and stashed to access and pilfer from an off-limits area.
Yesterday he entered our bedroom and took out books that were off-limits. Apparently he's been tucking in there for awhile stealing his sister's Easter chocolate which was there for safe-keeping.
Over the weekend we visited relatives and he snuck home unauthorized books* from their home.
And the pocket knives. Our house is chockful of other people's pocket knives.
Shoplifting is old news. He is utterly unfazed by having to return the item and confess. And to my knowledge he has never resisted the temptation. That is, there has been no time that I let him go into a store without me and he didn't shoplift.
And the inappropriate computer use, both using it to look up sexy stuff and cheating on his schoolwork. He'll convince his relations that he needs the computer for his schoolwork and then use it to google the wrong things. And If there is the remotest possible way to cheat on his schoolwork he will find it and do it. I've spent the last two days installing spyware on the computers.
The core problem is that he flat refuses to live under our authority. We've talked and talked and talked about it but it comes down to "If you want to live in our home, you need to live under our authority." Over and over again he has shown us that if he doesn't agree with our expectation, he will just ignore it, and when confronted he will lie, blame us, blame sister, whatever.
He won't comply, so we gave him a sleeping bag and a tarp and he is living in the barn. I set out food for him and bring him in for a shower and clean clothes and sent him back out. Horrible, I know. Heart-breaking. What else are we to do?
And the inappropriate computer use, both using it to look up sexy stuff and cheating on his schoolwork. He'll convince his relations that he needs the computer for his schoolwork and then use it to google the wrong things. And If there is the remotest possible way to cheat on his schoolwork he will find it and do it. I've spent the last two days installing spyware on the computers.
The core problem is that he flat refuses to live under our authority. We've talked and talked and talked about it but it comes down to "If you want to live in our home, you need to live under our authority." Over and over again he has shown us that if he doesn't agree with our expectation, he will just ignore it, and when confronted he will lie, blame us, blame sister, whatever.
He won't comply, so we gave him a sleeping bag and a tarp and he is living in the barn. I set out food for him and bring him in for a shower and clean clothes and sent him back out. Horrible, I know. Heart-breaking. What else are we to do?
Consequences matter NOTHING to him. They are just more challenges from him to try to get around. Expectations are merely an opportunity for tricksy stuff (can he side-step the expectation and get away with it?)
Every moment of every day is consumed with monitoring him. Taking a shower is a carefully timed event. He is bright, REALLY bright, and strategic. Any moment that I am distracted is his opportunity to do whatever he is plotting. A phone call. A trip to the loo. A shower. But, if he is living in the barn, at least the inside of the home can be a bit normal.
Ha! I'm calling locking my beloved son out of the house normal. But his obsession with deception is unmanageable. If he were a boyfriend, we'd call this a codependent relationship (because my life revolves around his problems) and we'd get out of the relationship.
We are miserable and heart-broken and angry and scared. How do we get through the next few years? and what will become of him?
*There is nothing wrong with the books he is sneaking (The Percy Jackson books) for a non-damaged kid, but they are not okay for him. The basic story line revolves around a clever and self-sufficient young man whose mother loves him, but is not too bright, easily duped, and completely superfluous to his life. The fate of the world hangs on his shoulders, and the adults in the story are usually wrong. He has to trick and deceive them in order to get things to unfold in accordance to his superior insight and intelligence. No. Garbanzo does not need to read these.
Every moment of every day is consumed with monitoring him. Taking a shower is a carefully timed event. He is bright, REALLY bright, and strategic. Any moment that I am distracted is his opportunity to do whatever he is plotting. A phone call. A trip to the loo. A shower. But, if he is living in the barn, at least the inside of the home can be a bit normal.
Ha! I'm calling locking my beloved son out of the house normal. But his obsession with deception is unmanageable. If he were a boyfriend, we'd call this a codependent relationship (because my life revolves around his problems) and we'd get out of the relationship.
We are miserable and heart-broken and angry and scared. How do we get through the next few years? and what will become of him?
*There is nothing wrong with the books he is sneaking (The Percy Jackson books) for a non-damaged kid, but they are not okay for him. The basic story line revolves around a clever and self-sufficient young man whose mother loves him, but is not too bright, easily duped, and completely superfluous to his life. The fate of the world hangs on his shoulders, and the adults in the story are usually wrong. He has to trick and deceive them in order to get things to unfold in accordance to his superior insight and intelligence. No. Garbanzo does not need to read these.
Oh, Suz. My heart is just breaking for you. You must feel so weary.
ReplyDeleteI wish I had an answer. I wish anyone did.
{{{hugs}}}
Of Suzanne, I just dropped by to see if you were writing again and my heart aches for you. We are not far off your story I think. We did the sleeping bag on the floor for a week. Perhaps if we had a barn . . .
ReplyDeleteI fear A is just a few years behind Garbanzo and will catch up with age. The only thing we have found that has helped some is a very low dose of Abilify. The defiance is a bit less, the damage episodes a little further apart, the social skills a little more appropriate. The constant lies don't seem to have decreased much at all. We live in hope that someone, something, somewhere will be able to reach him. Change his heart. Change his direction.
I read your next post as well. Sugar isn't so much a problem here but we don't eat a great deal of it. We found that high protein is a must. We insist he have protein with every meal and every snack or the behavior goes off the rails. Might be worth a try.
Know you're not alone in this.
Ronda
I wish I knew all the answers, but noticed that Left Behind: The Kids series had a great impact on our son. It is fiction, of course but make him think about eternal consequences of his behavior. I ordered all 40 book on Amazon and he was absorbed in them for weeks and weeks on.
ReplyDeleteWe also send him to Enlisted to Endure boot camp for believers this summer. It is a military style camp for teens boys ages 13-18. They have chapel services in the morning and evening and all kids of physical activities in between. I could see a change in my son's heart when he got back.
We are on a constant look for some other resources but the listed two had the greatest impact on his behavior this summer.
Thank you! I will check out those books and the camp.
ReplyDelete