yuck

Tater's constant oppositional and antagonistic attitude is wearing me out. My love bank is empty, my patience is worn thin. I don't even want to see her, much less mother her.

Why Does She Do This?

Tater & Garbanzo: fuss fuss
Tater & Garbanzo: bicker bicker
Tater & Garbanzo: fuss fuss
Tater & Garbanzo: bicker bicker
Tater & Garbanzo: fuss fuss
Tater & Garbanzo: bicker bicker
Me: If you two are going to fuss about the placements, you may be excused.
Tater: fuss fuss bicker bicker
Me: Okay, you are excused.
Tater: RAGE!

Bullying

This is a post from earlier this summer . . .  I'm not sure why it didn't post at the time.  Garbanzo had been assigned the role of assistant director for a play.

___________________________

So, I pull into the theater and the director is waiting for me.  Never a good sign.  Apparently Garbanzo blocked a kid into the toilet stall, making him crawl out under the door and threatened him if he told.
I go get Garbanzo and put him in the van.  Why are you here Garbanzo?
Because I put my pill in my lunchbox and didn't take it. 
No, but that is helpful to know about.  Why are you here?
Because of the chocolate chips.
No, but that is helpful to know about.  Why are you here?
Because of the chocolate milk in my lunchbox.
No, but that is helpful to know about.  Why are you here?
I don't know.
That's interesting.  Let me know when you are ready to tell me and then we can talk about how many days you will miss rehearsal.

For two hours he makes up nonsense: "I told kids to not run" etc.  Finally he confesses.  I thank him for being truthful and we go home.

Later that evening, we called the director and made arrangements for his return.  He was to be demoted and removed from all positions of authority over the other kids.  He was to receive a scolding from the director that included words like "trust' "authority" "confidence" and "disappointment".  He was to be kept apart from the other kids during the remaining rehearsals and sit in the audience with us during the show (sister was in the show).

The director held up her end beautifully, none of this "oh it's okay" B.S. that people tend to hand out.  Garbanzo spent the next two rehearsals sitting in the theater auditing the script -- just marking deviations, not announcing them -- make-work, really -- but it kept him away from the other kids and his change in status was visible to all.  He sat in the audience with us and when the other two assistant directors took their bows he cried.

I got this in my email box today.  I snipped out the identifying parts; I just wanted to share this part with you.  The writer is talking about her daughter, also adopted as an older child.

  Her Achilles heel is that she is insecure.  Her insecurity presents itself as irritating behavior.  She was obviously more hurt by losing her family, although she doesn’t have a single kind word to say about her mother.  She’s a whiner, complainer and a glass-half-empty kind of girl.  If something is bothering her, she makes sure everyone knows it.  My husband and I are trying to address the behavior as much as we can, because life won’t be joyful for her if she operates out of insecurity.
 

Yup -- that's my Tater too.

Somehow it is so comforting to know that someone else out there really understands.  Thanks!!