Tuesday, May 29, 2012

dripping and glowering

It doesn't matter how early I start her, Tater comes late to breakfast, as in, arrives when breakfast is being cleared away.  I think it has something to do with with early food deprivation, so I haven't the heart to consistently do the logical thing ("too bad so sad, you missed breakfast").  We have done that, but it had no impact and I couldn't shake the feeling that that was her point, to recreate the early experiences of hunger and neglect.  If she can recreate that experience, she has a focus for the anger that she carries around.

So today I awoke her at 9 and told her breakfast was at 9:30.  She needs to shower, get dressed, and straighten up her room in that half hour.  At 9:30 I went and got her out of the shower (ignoring the pleas for rinsing the conditioner) and handed her her robe and took her to the table.

After breakfast we will do our normal routines up until it is time to leave for music class.  She will have to scamper through those to get time to go get dried off and dressed.

So now she is angry about that.  What a horrible way for all of us to start our day.  What would you do?

She's almost 11 now, btw.


  1. No advice, just some support. We are not all loveable bundles of joy, especially in the morning. It took me years to figure out a morning routine that worked, and I’m still running out the door to catch the train many days of the week. I try not to wake anyone while I get ready in the morning because I am an early morning grouch. While waking early has gotten easier with age (I think 24 was the turning point) I am still not a pleasure to be around. I owe my mother a mountain of mother’s day gifts for all she put up with over the years.

  2. Also chiming in with not much advice, but letting you know I still read. I, too, am NOT a morning person. I'm so unbelievably cranky. I have such difficulty getting out of bed every day no matter how much sleep I have had. I have been like this since I was a child. It made my dad so angry.
    One thing I did as a kid/teen so I did not have to feel so rushed in the morning is take my shower or bath before I went to bed instead of in the morning. Not sure if that is an option but just throwing it out. My girl seems as though she is already hitting those emotional pre teen years lately (She's 8.5 now). Seems like it might be a rough ride! I hope mornings go better for your soon.

  3. Ugh, lots of support here. This seems like a tough situation. Have you thought about shifting some of the routine items to other parts of the day, like the shower at night before bed? Since she's not able to complete them before it's time for breakfast, then maybe she can do them during another part of the day that would typically be her free time?

  4. That's all I've got, too. Shifting routines around.

    We have a strict rule (sarc!) that you must be dressed and have your teeth brushed by lunch time. Many, many mornings L chooses to do school in her jammies. Since homeschooling is a brief time in our lives, that works for me.

    On days we have to be up and out early, I make sure that things are as easy as possible in the morning, doing things like showers and picking out clothes the night before.

    Oh--could you have a not very exciting, but still filling, you-missed-breakfast item that she could snack on while she does school if she misses breakfast? A muffin without butter? Apple slices? Dry granola?

    It does sound more like a control issue than a "morning person" issue to me, though that could certainly play a part.

    Is half an hour long enough for her to accomplish everything you wanted her to do? It wouldn't be for my little turtle. ;>

  5. I don't think the half hour is enough for all that. I would wake her up earlier to give her 45 minutes

    Have you tried waking her up and then leaving the room for 5 minutes. Coming back in 5 and praising her if she moved and started getting into the shower. Then say you will be back in 10 minutes and if she is out and getting dressed, give more praise, if not, go over your expectations and come back again in 5 minutes. Continue in this manner.

    Might be a pain for you, but hopefully after she gets the picture of time management, you can ease off the amount of times you check up on her. Maybe make a chart and each day she makes her way down to breakfast on time, she earns something like time on the computer or dessert after dinner. Each day she doesnt, she misses those rewards.

  6. Hi Suzanne,
    I so get what you are talking about. Especially the ODD & the lying & feeling stuck, waking up in the morning and not wanting to even put my feet on the floor cuz I knew the battle would begin. Being physically & emotionally drained and it was 7:30 in the morning! Looking back, God did me strength for the day. Without him I would have either committed suicide or been committed to a psych ward somewhere. It is hard & exhausting daily!!!! He will give you the strength you need. Is your husband supportive? Mine wasn't, so I also felt so alone. You can do this. One day at a time, one hour at a time. You are in my prayers.


Thank you so much. I really appreciate comments.