Tuesday, August 5, 2014

one thing that is working

Tater has a really hard time controlling her temper.  Anything that makes her mad makes her really really mad.  Not getting her way, being told no, being told what to do, being corrected, being asked to do a job correctly, these all make her mad.

When she is mad, she is consumed by the mad.  And the situation escalates into more and more bad choices.

Basically, she can't be around people, as she will engage them in anger.  So, obviously, she needs to be by herself until she can calm down.  It usually does not take long, and she can usually see that she was being unreasonable after she has become calm.

But getting her to go to her room usually became chaotic.  I'd say something like, "You need to go to your room until you can accept my decision." and she would shout hateful things and stomp and shout challenges and NOT GO.  And then I would stand up to take her and she would cry out that I was hurting her and whimper and do the whole kicked puppy thing and it would just go on and on.  She would lose control and (as James Lehman would point out) gain control, as I would back off on my resolve to ask her to go to her room.

But no more!

I give my kids printed lists (via OLLY) that show the day's responsibilities.  Included on each day is this:
COPYWORK: 5 times neatly and in cursive: When I behave inappropriately, Mom and Dad may ask me to go to my room to calm down so that I can correct my behavior. I need to go to my room without challenging, grumbling, stomping, and so on. When I am ready to apologize for my inappropriate behavior and am ready to be polite to people, I may come out of my room. (If you go to your room appropriately when asked, you don't need to copy this today.)

Now, if it wasn't on the list, and I assigned it when she acted up, there would be a big raging fit over receiving the lines.  But since it is on her list as default, and she can earn the right to skip it with good behavior, she choses that.  

1 comment:

  1. It sounds crazy, but I've read and heard from other ap's that MATH is a great diffuser of heightened emotion. Two completely different parts of the brain get used. Do you read Essie's blog? She's one of the moms. http://theaccidentalmommy.blogspot

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